Surrendering to Love

A tiny theologian teaches me every time we interact. His 4-year old logic is sound + his reflexes right. One particular instance was when we were on our way to Canada this summer.  His new + novel passport kept us busy the whole way to the border crossing over the Rainy River. We talked about how important this little passbook was, that he couldn’t get back to America if we lost it while we were on our picnic + play time. He held it with such care. We began passing all the passports around the car to laugh at photos and look at stamps. He clung to his, realizing its value.  And then, with an easy openness, in a matter-of-fact sort of way, he hands it to me and says “Here, you can hold mine… because I know you love me.”

I humbly received his trust, in awe of how easy it was for him to surrender this thing that he understood was vital to his future. And I couldn’t stop thinking about that phrase “… because I know you love me.” His sureness + security in my love meant that his hands weren’t gripping his important things tightly, trusting only himself to make sure they were safe, to be in control of his life. His surrender was joyful, free + eager because he’d experienced my love. He knew it.

I’m grateful to my long-time pastor for the simple statement he made several years back: The best and biggest discovery of your life is how loved you are by God. After years of unpacking God’s unending love for me, trying to get it into all the nooks + crannies of my life, I think I may have just scratched the tippy top of the surface edge of its depth, power + endurance.  Somewhere along the way in life, I’ve lost that reflex of naturally surrendering to that love, grasping for the illusion of control on those things I feel most crucial to my life. So, it’s back to soaking in the sea of that True Love, letting Him unfurl my fingers.

And now, I just have to convince my 4-year-old teacher that every river we cross doesn’t mean we are entering Canada!