Basking in His Beams
There are now three fields, each having been logged off incrementally over the past two decades by the state. Devastation turned into new delight. I remember their forested beauty, but now am able to enjoy the wide openness of sunshine hitting them, building something new. The things that come up in these fields now – flowers, berries, even some little praising popple trees, bugs + birds buzzing around too – are glorious in every season, singing to their Creator and Sustainer. They’ve done nothing to earn his creative care, but they must look to him for life.
I am able to picture myself now in these worship-filled sanctuaries, bringing only myself and my suitcases full of fears, insecurities and sin. I also bring my crowns + strengths, though neither of these induce the Sun to stay any longer or shorter than it will. The Sun hits me all over, warming me and inviting me to open those cases and spread out the things of my life before Its Beams. His strength fuels my fingers to unhinge the suitcase clasps and out tumbles everything stuffed down inside that would seek to darken the Sun’s effect. Pride, fears, need for control, desire to know + be prepared best for the future get laid out first. I have no idea how to address these items, but I spread them out, fearfully wondering if the Sun will stay shining when it sees them all without being spruced up first. I have no excuses for them, no sugar to soften their bitter taste, nothing to cover them with. No answers or fixes. And the almost unbelievable thing… is that the Sun stays – His loving presence stays! He asks me to sit down + rest instead, not strive to address them. “Sit + look at me,” He says. “I am gracious + merciful. My steadfast love abounds. I am forgiving. I’m not leaving you, ever,” He assures me.
And I do stay for as long as my feebly finite self can stand it. When I get up to leave, he asks me to leave the things that once filled my suitcases + he tucks some of his warm love into them instead. “You’ll need this,” He says, “until tomorrow or later today perhaps too, when you can come back to me.”
As I come to these places more often, I am slowly being grounded in His Love, filled with peace + joy, strengthened to trust + obey, + freed to live this gifted life loved.